I'll Miss You
by anonymous-ninja13
Summary: In which the resolution means absolutely nothing is resolved. Regret and guilt make people do strange things. Remove one person out of the picture, and the rest will try to fill the void.


I feel so bad….starting a new fic when my others need to be updated.

I don't own anything…..*sobs*

REVIEW….OR I KILL THIS SONGFIC (yes there is a continuation, and its very good, better than this chapter, actually)

Look, I'm not above using blackmail.

Izze recommends listening to What I've Done while reading this, but that's her opinion.

**Alphonse POV**

Ed POV

_Song lyrics_

Get it, got it, good

* * *

_In this farewell_

_There's no blood_

_There's no alibi_

_Cause I've drawn regret_

_From the truth of a thousand lies_

The lies I told myself. My illusions I forced on my brother, that we could have our mom back. How foolish I was, to think that two children could succeed where everyone else had failed. But I needed the lies, desperately needed to believe my mother wasn't dead. I couldn't accept death, and paid the price. Ironic, really, that the "child prodigy" was too immature and selfish to accept the loss of a loved one. Sad, too. But I grew up after that. I could live with my mistakes, live with the automail that was a constant reminder of my sins. But why did my brother have to pay for my mistakes? That was what I couldn't live with.

_So let mercy come _

_And wash away_

_What I've done_

**My brother is a strange blend of sorrow, determination, and childishness, all mixed up in one tiny, cussing, angry package. **

**He's incredibly childish about his height, and drinking milk, perhaps those quirks are simply to make up for the rest of him, the side that grew up too fast; who knows more than most adults.**

**The side that saw the Truth.**

**The side that decided to get automail.**

**The side that is determined to let nothing stand in his way of his quest.**

**The funny thing is, though he tells people to "keep walking forward", he only walks forward because of his past, and his guilt. Every time he looks at me, his eyes betray his feelings. I try to tell him. He won't listen, he insists on blaming himself. Really, he needs to learn to let go.**

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

The chalk felt good in my hands, it reminded me of training with Sensei. Man, she was fucking tough. But I survived it, at least. The chalk lines were fragile, and I was careful not to smudge them. If only my actions could be erased that easily. I wished I could go back, and change everything; give Al a chance to be a normal teenager, stop Winry from worrying, maybe even let myself be happy for once. If I could erase my mistakes…so many more would have lived. Really, I was sixteen, and I had murdered, fought, stabbed, lied, and sold my soul. Really, what God would let _me_ into heaven? Though I tried to help people, tried to use my military power for good, I could never help more than I hurt. The military-and government were corrupt bitches, which was the only reason I wanted Colonel Bastard to become Fuhrer. Oh, hell, I'd be lying if I said he wouldn't make a good one; but still……I'll miss him when I'm gone.

_Put to rest_

_What you thought of me_

_While I clean this slate_

_With the hands _

_Of uncertainty_

**Brother is a loner, one of those people who no one can get close to. I mean, I know him the best, and even I don't understand him. Maybe it's because he's a genius…his mind might work differently. I know why, at least, he acts so tough around other people, and so rude too. Because when your job is killing others, each of your loved ones are a weakness. And maybe he hides his heart behind an armor of brash carelessness, confidence, and determination. Maybe he hides his fear, his sadness, his hopelessness. Because those emotions are useless if he wants to get where he's going. But they're there, even if he doesn't acknowledge it. So what will happen when he does?**

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away_

_What I've done_

I feel…like I'm going to break into a million pieces, that I'm so close to the breaking point. I've seen too much…I understand that…but I'm scared. That if I break, I'll hurt everyone I love. I'm trying…to stay sane. To keep being the confident, unafraid Fullmetal Alchemist, the hero of the people and all that crap. It's scary going insane…especially when you know you are. At least I won't have to keep this up much longer. At least I'll be remembered as a hero, much good that'll do me.

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

**I don't know why brother and I are staying so long at Winrys. We should've been on the road long ago, to find the stone. But brother has been spending a lot of time looking at some of old alchemy books…maybe he thinks there's something in there about the philosophers stone? When we finally get the stone, I keep telling brother to get his limbs back first. But, being the stubborn older brother he is, he keeps telling me that we'll get my body back first. He acts like he doesn't care about the automail…but he wasn't the one hearing the screams during the surgery. I don't want to ever hear that again.**

_For what I've done_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

Shou Tucker was right. We _are_ the same, toying around with others lives for our own benefit. Everyone I've met has been hurt by meeting me. What am I, to take my brother's body away?

What am I, to believe I would be able to create life? And now every time I look in the mirror, I see obsession. Someone, who's lost everything, but tries to regain it…Why do I even try? At least I'm trying to fix things now. The chalk scrapes against the cold stone floor, as my mind wanders along my memories. Sensei…Colonel Bastard…Hughes…Winry. I wish I could've told her what I really felt. I wish…

_For what I've done_

_I start again_

_And whatever pain may come_

_Today this ends_

_I'm forgiving what I've done_

**It's late, and probably Brother fell asleep at his desk. Again. The stairs creak as the weight of my metal limbs push down on them. The door is slightly open, and I peek in, but no ones there. Just a few books and scattered papers on the desk. They look like letters. Strange, though, the box of chalk brother usually kept on his desk was gone. Stepping inside, I notice he left the light on, and I head over to turn it off. I glance at the books laid out haphazardly. ****Human Transmutation****. Why was brother looking at that? And then it all clicked.**

**Human Transmutation**

**Letters.**

**Not leaving for Central**

**Missing chalk**

**He was going to attempt human transmutation. **

**Running down the steps, my brain is in panic overload mode. What would he have to sacrifice? Knowing brother, I had a pretty good idea about what was going to happen. **_**'Nonononono, this can't be happening!'**_** Praying under my breath that I would make it in time, my vision turns to black…and I am too late.**

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

The chalk falls from my fingers, white dust powdering my fingertips. It is done. Intricately patterned, it's beautiful, the most finely detailed transmutation circle I've ever made. Every line in place, every symbol perfectly copied. My masterpiece, my final work of art. It'd be foolish to say I have no regrets about my life, but I am confident about my actions. Equivalent Exchange, right? A life for a life, but the life is being given willingly. I clap my hands together, anxious, yet incredibly elated. Al will have his body back. He can be a normal teenager, with normal friends, normal family…that's all I've ever wanted, really. But my journey is done, it's too late for me to salvage my being, my humanity, my sanity. Blue light flickers, dancing across my face as a small smile curves upward on my face. Atonement for my sins, it would be stupid to cry.

_My final gift to you Al._

_I'll miss you._

I feel bad…I killed Edward! No worries, he'll be back eventually…but you have to REVIEW if you want me to finish the story!!!!

So (hint hint) REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!


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